Maybe Sit the Next Couple of Plays Out

City 5 Palace 2

Palace had been an occasional bogey team for City in worse times, so what would happen with Palace in premier form and City flailing?

For a half-hour, it seemed like what was previously a City headache would become a pounding migraine, as Eberechi Eze and Chris Richards scored to put the visitors 2-0 up in front of a stunned Etihad.

But this isn’t Roy Hodgson’s Palace, and Kevin De Bruyne wasn’t about to let his side roll over, halving the deficit with a masterful free kick. Omar Marmoush equalized before halftime, scoring for the third time in his last five league matches.

Mateo Kovacic, James McAtee, and Nico O’Reilly scored second-half goals to turn it into a City rout, shattering Palace’s seven-game unbeaten run.

Brighton 2 Leicester 2

Palace’s unbeaten run wasn’t the most incredible streak snapped this weekend. After eight consecutive scoreless losses, Leicester finally scored…not just once, but twice to draw at Brighton.

Joao Pedro scored two goals from the spot for the hosts, each equalized by the Foxes, once from Stephy Mavididi and once from Caleb Okoli. Deeply concerning for the Gulls, who haven’t won in their last five fixtures, plummeting out of the battle for Europe in the process.

Somebody pass Fabian Hurzeler a flamethrower, though there may not be a flame hot enough to adequately incinerate the tactics that allowed Leicester to score two goals.

Forest 0 Everton 1

With margins as thin as they are in the Premier League, a magical season can quickly summon dreadful lumps into throats with just one kick of the ball.

That kick—from Abdoulaye Doucoure in the 94th minute—saw visitors Everton upset Forest, silencing the City Ground that has roared so ferociously throughout the campaign. Forest’s ample breathing room has shrunk to a mere three points above sixth place, reducing comfortable gulps of air to shallow, panicked gasps.

Fear not, Trees. Next week, you get to play Tottenham.

Southampton 0 Villa 3

For 70 minutes, Villa were on course to pull a Brighton, playing on level terms with a vastly inferior opponent. But Ollie Watkins reversed their fortunes with a deft, dinked finish to send Unai Emery’s side to the races.

Donyell Malen added a goal six minutes later, and John McGinn made it three in stoppage time.

Villa have won four straight in the league and eight of their last nine in all competitions. They sit just one point behind City for fifth and two points behind Newcastle for fourth. On form, they’re the scariest side in the league.

Arsenal 1 Brentford 1

The coming down is the hardest part, and after a euphoric 3-0 trouncing of Real Madrid midweek, Arsenal returned to the mundanities of a stop-start Premier League campaign with a 1-1 draw against Brentford.

Thomas Partey opened the scoring for the Gunners on a well-worked team move spearheaded by now-immortal Declan Rice. Ironically, though, it was a set piece that would prove Arsenal’s undoing. Nathan Collins nodded a cross into the path of Yoanne Wissa, whose clinicality didn’t fail him with a well-taken, turning volley.

The draw further erodes Arsenal’s chances of an improbable comeback for the title, but—in all reality—that ship had sailed before Arteta even said they would give up over his dead body. It feels different now, though, because they have one foot in the Champions League semifinal, having earned the footballing world’s respect on the brightest of stages.

They also won’t have to contend with the terrible omen of killing a pigeon, as Leandro Trossard’s strike fizzed just inches above the winged pitch intruder, sparing the world of a new piece of Randy Johnson lore.

Liverpool 2 West Ham 1

With Arsenal’s stumble, Liverpool could add yet another finger to their grip on the Premier League trophy against visitors West Ham.

Fresh off news of his contract extension, Mo Salah delivered an inch-perfect ball into the path of Luis Diaz in the 18th minute to take a 1-nil lead. But the rest of the performance was unconvincing, with the Reds inviting attack after attack from the Hammers until a miscommunication led to an Andy Robertson own-goal in the 86th minute.

With Anfield deflated by the inevitable equalizer, Virgil Van Dijk did what a legendary captain and talismanic icon should: through brute force, he headed home the 89th-minute winner to erupt Anfield into chants of “We’re gonna win the league.”

The real winners? The social team at Anfield, who just received the gift of perfect content for the news of Van Dijk’s contract extension, which seems likely to hit this week.

Chelsea 2 Ipswich 2

For the second straight week, the Tractor Boys got off to a quick start, with Julio Enciso and Ben Johnson striking to give the visitors a 2-0 lead in the 31st minute.

An Axel Tuanzebe own-goal after halftime gave the Blues hope, and Jadon Sancho—of all people—found the equalizer in the 79th minute. For Sancho, it’s not a come-and-get-me plea but rather a please-don’t-pay-millions-to-nullify-your-obligation-to-buy-me plea.

Every point matters in a tight battle for Champions League football, but Chelsea will view this as two points lost rather than one gained.

Wolves 4 Spurs 2

Can Ange even save his job with a Europa League trophy now?

The vast likelihood is his fate has already been decided; injuries or not, 15th place won’t cut it, and there’s a realistic possibility that Spurs could slide to 17th by season’s end.

The frustrations continued at Molineux on Sunday, as Rayan Ait-Nouri and a Djed Spence own-goal put Wolves up 2-0 early. Mathys Tel scored in his second consecutive Premier League game to cut the arrears, but Jorgen Strand Larsen reestablished the two-goal advantage just five minutes later.

The sides went through the same exercise later, as Richarlison scored in the 85th minute only for Matheus Cunha to extend the lead again in the 86th.

How about Vitor Pereira’s Wolves? Once wading through the thick of a relegation battle, they’ve rattled off four straight wins to climb into 16th, fourteen points clear of the drop.

Newcastle 4 United 1

Ruben Amorim went all Ron Burgundy on Andre Onana’s Champ Kind, suggesting his goalkeeper sit the next couple plays out after last week’s war of words and subsequent humiliation.

But the keeper is not the problem at Manchester United. Neither is the manager, though neither Onana nor Amorim is likely the solution. The struggles are deep-seeded, as evidenced by another drubbing, this one 4-1 at the hands of a Newcastle side that sliced through the United defense like a lightsaber through shaving cream.

Harvey Barnes notched a brace for the home side, and Sandro Tonali and Bruno Guimaraes also added goals. It’s Newcastle’s fifth straight win, and they sit just one point behind Forest for third.

Bournemouth 1 Fulham 0

For the first time since mid-February, Bournemouth are winners in regular time. Antoine Semenyo scored the match’s only goal in the first minute, and the Cherries successfully defended the lead for the next ninety-plus, not yielding despite a significant Fulham advantage in possession and shots on target.

The win sees Bournemouth move ahead of the Cottagers in the table, though they’re level on points.

We’re backing Semenyo as our dark horse to be the attacker that ascends to stardom when he gets his inevitable move to a bigger club.

📈 Valencia are basically the Wolves of La Liga, rattling off their third straight win and sixth game unbeaten to escape a relegation battle and climb to 13th. Their 1-0 victory led to the ousting of Sevilla manager Javier Garcia Pimienta.

🔚 Espanyol ended Celta Vigo’s eight-game unbeaten run, winning 2-0 thanks to a Roberto Fernandez brace. The win sees Espanyol move six points clear of the relegation playoff.

🐺 A brace from perennially on-loan Wolves striker Fabio Silva led Las Palmas to a crucial 3-1 win over Getafe. We swear that man’s been on loan since 2016. Set him free, Wolves! Also, run to cash your tickets everyone who had the over on Wolves mentions in the La Liga section of the newsletter.

🔝 League-leaders Barcelona needed only an own goal to escape Leganes with all three points. They’re now 13 matches unbeaten in La Liga, but can they get across the line with a four-point advantage over Madrid?

🟥 You know what’ll help? An extended ban for Kylian Mbappe, who inexplicably tried to break an Alaves player’s leg in the 38th minute on Sunday.

Bizarre. If joining Madrid in the first place was the beginning of his heel turn, this was the moment he started flipping double-middles at the crowd. Babyface no more.

Despite playing with ten men for a good portion of the match, Madrid managed to win 1-0 thanks to Eduardo Camavinga’s first-half strike from outside the box.

🟡🟡 Villareal ended Betis’s nine-match unbeaten run, coming from behind after Aitor Ruibal scored for the hosts in the third minute. Thierno Barry and Ayoze Perez were the scorers for Villareal, who remain six points out of fourth with a game in hand.

4⃣ An Oihan Sancet brace saw Athletic Bilbao past Rayo Vallecano, with Nico Williams also adding a goal. The win maintains Athletic’s margin in the race for Champions League places.

🔴⚪ Julian Alvarez scored a brace from the spot, and Giuliano Simeone and Alexander Sorloth added goals in a slightly nervy 4-2 win over league-bottom Valladolid.

⚫🔴 Milan enjoyed an uncharacteristically drama-free dismantling of Udinese on Friday afternoon. Four scorers (Leao, Pavlovic, Hernandez, and Reijnders) found the scoresheet for Sergio Conceicao’s side, who were winless in their last three matches.

⚫🔵Inter dispatched Cagliari with little difficulty to maintain their seat atop the Italian table. Marko Arnautovic, Lautaro Martinez, and Yann Bisseck scored for the leaders.

⚫⚪ Igor Tudor remains unbeaten as Juventus manager, as goals from Kenan Yildiz and Teun Koopmeiners led the Old Lady to a 2-1 victory over Lecce.

🔵⚫ Atalanta picked a prudent moment to stop their slide, beating red-hot Bologna with first-half goals from Mateo Retegui and Mario Pasalic. The win breaks a streak of three straight losses for Atalanta and seven games unbeaten for Bologna, who slipped out of the top four.

🤝 The Derby della Capitale ended in a 1-1 draw, as Matias Soule unleashed this first-time, curling wonder to equalize for Roma in the 69th minute after Alessio Romagnoli’s opener.

We saw many streaks end this weekend, but Roma’s pre-Christmas unbeaten run in Serie A marches on.

🥈 Scott McTominay notched a brace and Romelu Lukaku scored and assisted to lead Napoli’s 3-0 deconstruction of Empoli. Lukaku leads Serie A in assists.

4⃣ A Xavi Simons brace helped Leipzig to a 3-2 victory at Wolfsburg on Friday, reintroducing them to the top four for the first time in weeks.

🚪Leverkusen stumbled to a 0-0 draw at home against Union. Bayern have left the door ajar, but Xabi Alonso’s side just can’t seem to walk through it this year.

📉 Mainz tumbled out of the top four with a 2-0 loss to Hoffenheim, continuing a disappointing run of form that’s seen them go winless in their last four.

⚫⚪ Freiburg beat Gladbach 2-1 to keep pace in the race for top four. Johan Manzambi scored the winner in the 90th minute.

🤝 Der Klassiker didn’t disappoint, producing four second-half goals in a 2-2 thriller. Maximilian Beier opened the scoring in the 48th minute, rising high to posterize Jonas Urbig at the near post. Urbig looks no older than 12, inspiring little confidence for a side usually underpinned by the unyielding Manuel Neuer.

But Bayern answered quickly, first through Raphael Guerreiro and then on an incisive run and finish by Serge Gnabry in the 69th minute. The lead wouldn’t hold, as Dortmund bullied the ball across the line via Waldemar Anton in the 75h to end it level at two.

📈 Bremen beat Stuttgart 2-1, notching their third consecutive victory thanks to an Oliver Burke brace.

🥉 Frankfurt strengthened its grip on third place, beating lowly Heidenheim 3-0 with goals from Jean-Matteo Bahoya, Robin Koch, and rising star Hugo Ekiteke. Ekiteke seems destined for an early transfer exit as discount Alexander Isak in a market where Isak himself will be too expensive for anyone to afford.

🥈 Monaco breezed past Marseille 3-0 to move into second place. Liverpool legend Takumi Minamino opened the scoring, and FIFA 17 Career Mode-legend Breel Embolo doubled the advantage, with Chelsea legend Denis Zakaria cementing the result from the penalty spot in the 82nd minute.

🔴🔵 Lille earned three critical points at Toulouse, with goals by Matias Fernandez-Pardo and Mitchel Bakker propelling them into fifth.

🤝 Strasbourg and Nice battled to a 2-2 draw, with Youssouf Ndayishimiye notching a 94th-minute equalizer to nick a point at the death. The goal prevented Strasbourg from recording their sixth straight win, though they remain nine games unbeaten.

📈 Lyon beat Auxerre 3-1 on the road, leaping into fourth place in the process thanks to results elsewhere. Rayan Cherki is beginning to fulfill his massive potential, touted when he exploded onto the scene so many years ago, scoring in his third straight for Lyon.

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Leeds and Burnley both won, securing five points of cushion over Sheffield United (2-1 losers to Plymouth) in the battle for automatic promotion.

🇮🇹 Sassuolo won immediate promotion back to Serie A with five matches to spare. The Neroverdi are managed by Fabio Grosso.

🇺🇸 Brian White scored four goals in a 5-1 Vancouver Whitecaps decimation of Austin. The Whitecaps sit in first place in the Western Conference, four points clear of Minnesota.

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 Celtic drew closer to the title, beating Kilmarnock 5-1, highlighted by this rocket from Cameron Carter-Vickers.

Is there anything better than a center-back strike from downtown? Rangers delayed the celebrations, drawing Aberdeen thanks to a 96th-minute equalizer from Ianis Hagi.

🇹🇷 Fenerbahce and Galatasaray both won in Turkey, maintaining Gala’s three-point lead atop the table. Dusan Tadic scored a brace for Fener.

🇵🇹 A Benfica draw against Arouca and a 1-0 Sporting win over Santa Clara propelled Sporting back atop the Portuguese league table. The sides are level on points.

🇲🇽 Tigres beat Rayados 2-1 in the Clasico Regio, with Nicolas Ibanez delivering the winner in the 95th minute. Sergio Ramos overcame some top-notch gamesmanship to score from the spot earlier in the match.

The most shocking outcome? In a match with three red cards, Ramos wasn’t one of the recipients.

🇧🇷 Palmeiras avenged their loss in the Campeonato Paulista Final, beating visitors Corinthians 2-0.

🇸🇦 Cristiano Ronaldo scored a brace in a 2-1 Al Nassr victory over Al Riyadh, including this stunning volley.

Aston Villa vs. PSG (1-3 Agg, 3:00 PM ET TUE)

Aston Villa finally met their match in PSG last week, succumbing to their fearsome attack after a longstanding unbeaten run. But that unfolded in Paris. Can a riotous crowd at Villa Park spur the home side to a comeback? PSG didn’t play over the weekend, so Unai Emery and company will hope that creates rust rather than rest.

Dortmund vs. Barcelona (0-4 Agg, 3:00 PM ET TUE)

Nope. Just nope.

Real Madrid vs. Arsenal (0-3 Agg, 3:00 PM ET WED)

Nobody will allow themselves to believe this one is over. Understandably. But the deficit is no joke, and Arsenal no pushover. Madrid will need every bit of their proprietary European magic to find a way back into the tie, and they’ll need it early.

Inter vs. Bayern (2-1 Agg, 3:00 PM ET WED)

Inter are the only home side tasked with protecting a lead rather than overturning a deficit. The Serie A league leaders haven’t lost in their last 12 matches, so Bayern face a significant challenge at San Siro. Can Thomas Muller show up in the right place at the right time once more for his boyhood club?

Frankfurt vs. Spurs (1-1 Agg, 3:00 PM THU)

Spurs are coming off a wildly uninspiring 4-2 defeat at Wolves, but their Premier League results matter little. For Ange Postecoglou, the only strategy left to play is survive and advance. They’ll be wary of Hugo Ekiteke at all times, as Frankfurt look to charge onward to the semifinals in front of their supporters.

Manchester United vs. Lyon (2-2 Agg, 3:00 PM THU)

Onana or No-nana? That’s the question facing Ruben Amorim after giving his keeper a rest over the weekend. Altay Bayindir failed to impress in his absence, so a return might and a shot at redemption might await Onana. United will be without Joshua Zirkzee, leaving the striking duties to Rasmus Hojlund, meaning goals must come from elsewhere. Rayan Cherki, so prolific in recent weeks, could be the key to unlocking a result for Lyon at Old Trafford.

Plus:

Lazio vs. Bodo/Glimt (0-2 Agg, 3:00 PM THU)

Rangers vs. Athletic (0-0 Agg, 3:00 PM THU)

🪄 Luka Modric has become a minority investor in Swansea City. The quickest way for him to generate a handsome return? Trade his Madrid white for Swansea’s, and wave his magic wand feet over Championship pitches to win promotion back to the Premier League. Bafetimbi Gomis isn’t tiger-crawling through that door, Luka. You’ll have to do it yourself.