LEI 0 BRE 4

Is any Premier League attacking duo more underappreciated than Bryan Mbeumo and Yoanne Wissa?

Those buccaneering Bees currently sit 5th and 8th in the Premier League scoring charts respectively, and each contributed a first-half goal in a 4-0 decimation of the Foxes on Friday night.

Leicester have now suffered six straight Premier League defeats at the King Power. They’ve lost 10 of their last 11 league matches, with the lone respite coming at Tottenham. It’s funny that even amid a generational losing streak, Jamie Vardy still found a way to rub his mighty trophy count in the faces of Spurs supporters.

Fabio Carvalho notched his second league goal for Brentford, who have now won three of their last four.

EVE 2 MUN 2

The David Moyes Derby did not disappoint.

Beto (who else?) opened the scoring for the Blues. Just weeks ago, “who else?” would’ve been a sarcastic jab. Today, it’s a genuine reflection on the striker’s sizzling form. Beto has five goals in his last four league games, more than his previous 44 games combined.

Abdoulaye Doucoure doubled the lead, beating Harry Maguire to a rebound from an Onana “save.” With United again languishing down 2-0, every cut to Sir Alex Ferguson was reminiscent of Dr. Doback watching Dale and Brennan crash his boat.

Everton fans began to sing “Going Down” to their United counterparts, which is a bit like a toupeed George Costanza chiding someone else for being bald.

But karma strikes quickly, and it struck in the form of a perfectly hit Bruno Fernandes free kick. The Portuguese talisman’s 72nd-minute effort left Jordan Pickford to do his best Drax impression…

…and a low-xG Manuel Ugarte whistler equalized in the 80th minute.

A stoppage-time penalty shout for Ashley Young, who had his shirt pulled as he rushed to a rebound, was ultimately overturned. The replay showed that it would’ve been a soft penalty, but it failed to offer clear and obvious reason to overturn the call on the field. Rather than being clear and obvious, VAR is often subjective and confusing.

Still. Everton remain unbeaten in their last six league games. For United, the fight from a losing position for a hard-earned point could galvanize the club, even as Sir Jim Ratcliffe turns it into a footballing Panera Bread.

BOU 0 WOL 1

Before this season, we never thought we’d class a Wolves victory over Bournemouth as a massive upset, but these are different times for both the Cherries and Wolverhampton.

Illia Zabarnyi saw red in the 31st minute after sliding over the ball into a studs-up challenge on Rayan Ait-Nouri. Five minutes later, the ball found Matheus Cunha deep in the box, and the Brazilian made no mistake, quickly firing past Kepa for the match’s only goal. Cunha has scored in all six of Wolves’ victories this season, and he may be the most important player to his side’s cause in the league.

It’s a massive three points for Wolves, as they move five points clear of the relegation places with Ipswich, Leicester, and Southampton all losing.

ARS 0 WHU 1

Arsenal fans, we won’t fault you for scrolling directly to the next match. Look away, friends.

Psst. Are they gone? Can we continue?

Ah, yes. Facing 16th-place West Ham at home. The classic trap game!

For whatever reason, the home side looked the vastly more rattled of the two, perhaps beginning to crumble under the weight of a title challenge’s massive demands with a depleted squad. Declan Rice most epitomized those struggles, subbing off in the 56th minute, but not before producing a wretched display and inviting “You should’ve signed for a big club!” chants from the away support.

The Gunners managed just two shots on goal, and it appears Mikel Merino, superstriker was a flash in the pan. Jarrod Bowen heaped pressure on the home side before half-time, heading home a cross after being left unmarked by Rice. To worsen the woes, Myles Lewis-Skelly was sent off in the 73rd minute for the second time this season.

Arsenal would not find an answer to Bowen’s goal, though a pure Ben White strike fizzed just centimeters wide in the match’s waning moments. They did discover, however, that their keeper has world-class wheels.

FUL 0 CRY 2

After three straight victories, Fulham fell at home to Crystal Palace. Joachim Andersen opened the scoring with an own goal.

Prepare to go cross-eyed: by scoring an own goal, Andersen scored for his former club, putting his current club (which was also once his former club) at a 1-0 deficit. We know you’re not supposed to celebrate goals against your former club. But what if you score for your former club, which is also a goal against your former, former club? Perhaps a tasteful knee slide?

An audacious backheel assist from Eberechi Eze for Jean-Philippe Mateta was chalked off for offsides, but Crystal Palace extended their advantage with a rocket from Daniel Munoz.

Fulham didn’t register a single shot on target in an uncharacteristic day to forget at Craven Cottage.

IPS 1 TOT 4

Son turned back the clock to 2017 for Spurs, eviscerating the Ipswich defense with tight control in the box to set up two easy Brennan Johnson goals in the first half. As we hear it, Johnson has plenty of experience with wide-open goals these days.

Please excuse us if you got that one. And if you didn’t, please carry on.

An Omari Hutchinson strike cut the deficit to one in the 36th minute, giving Ed Sheeran some hope, lest he be embarrassed in front of his Spurs-supporting friend Rupert Grint. Turns out Fred and George weren’t the only Weasley twins.

Second-half goals from Djed Spence and Dejan Kulusevski iced the tie, a rare display of footballing exuberance from a Spurs side that has suffered through dark days this campaign. Don’t look now, but they’ve now won three straight league games since that lowest-of-lows loss against Leicester.

Granted, they also bowed out of two domestic cups during that “streak,” but there’s always the Europa League! Plus, they’ve got punching bag Manchester City next.

SOU 0 BRI 4

With Southampton now 13 points from safety, it’s probably time to start planning for the incredible rigors of a 46-match Championship season. This dismantling at the hands of Brighton was so severe that the Saints might not pass “Go” and will instead report straight to League One.

Joao Pedro opened the corner with a deft chip over Aaron Ramsdale, who seems a fair bet to play elsewhere next year. Record-signing Georginio Rutter, who continues to grow in influence weekly, doubled the advantage before Kaoru Mitoma contributed a chip of his own. Jack Hinshelwood completed the beatdown in the 82nd minute, a goal for which the only appropriate reaction was:

AVL 2 CHE 1

Enzo Maresca prepared a mid-week meeting with Chelsea staff—from kitchen personnel to kit men—asking them to push to the end to help bring the club back to the Champions League.

Guess he forgot to tell the players about those targets.

Jokes about a well-intentioned galvanization attempt aside, Chelsea continue to struggle, dropping their third straight match and sliding to seventh in the table.

Enzo Fernandez opened the scoring for the Blues, but Villa new boys Marcus Rashford (the assister) and Marco Asensio (the goalscorer) combined twice in the second half to secure the three points. For the January signings, it’s as impactful a start as the Villans could’ve hoped for.

Cole Palmer hasn’t scored in the league since January 14th, and his last assist came December 1st in the first Villa fixture. Cold Palmer, cold chippy chips.

NEW 4 NOT 3

Chelsea academy product Callum Hudson-Odoi put Forest 1-0 up with a stinging strike from outside the box. Hudson-Odoi has scored seven times from outside the box since the start of last season, more than any other Premier League player.

Unfortunately for Forest, those efforts still count for just one goal.

Newcastle rattled four goals past Forest in just 11 minutes in the middle of the first half. Future PSR casualty Lewis Miley equalized against what will probably be his future club (ironic to do so in the Elliott Anderson Derby). The goal came from a free kick earned by an acting performance from Anthony Gordon that would’ve made Timothee Chalamet jealous.

Jacob Murphy put Newcastle ahead, before an Ola Aina handball gave the Magpies a penalty which Alexander Isak coolly converted. Isak made it a brace just one minute later.

Second-half goals from Nikola Milenkovic and Ryan Yates tightened the score, but the damage was done. Despite consecutive losses, Forest remain in third place, a testament to the strength of their campaign. For Newcastle, three points draws them level with City in the fight for Champions League football.

MCI 0 LIV 2

Was this the day the league was won?

Liverpool entered the contest on wobbly form (by their standards) and had never won at the Etihad in the Pep Guardiola era. Rarely have they encountered a City side this inconsistent, however.

Liverpool’s cerebral cue ball of tactical genius had plans for this one, enabling his Reds to dominate the pitch more passively. Liverpool recorded just 34% possession, the lowest known figure in the club’s history in a winning effort. The Dutch manager is proving to be adaptable to both different tactical setups and to bumps in the road. Though there have been very few of the latter this season, it’s a testament to Slot’s managerial capabilities that Liverpool have capably dusted themselves off and returned to winning ways after each setback.

We can go no further without mentioning Mo Salah. The Egyptian opened the scoring off a nifty set-piece routine, unlocked by a perfect Dominik Szoboszlai assist. Salah later returned the favor, assisting the Hungarian’s finish from the center of the box to extend the lead to two.

City had no answers, no matter how many times Jeremy Doku dribbled past Trent (12, for the record). Dribbles mean little when they lead down a cul-de-sac of lacking end product towards a Konate-and-Van-Dijk-shaped fortress in the penalty area.

Salah now has 25 Premier League goals on the season and 41 goal involvements, good for 7th all-time and just six shy of Alan Shearer’s record. It’s February. In all competitions, he has 51 goal involvements, split between 30 goals and 21 assists. Did we mention it’s February?

When Ballon d’Or time comes around, don’t let Real Madrid use their incessant whining to trick you into thinking their chosen player had a better year. Like the gold jacket belonged to Mr. Gilmore, that ball belongs to Mo Salah. We just can’t believe Timmy Chalamet didn’t reference the Egyptian in his speech about greatness.

🔴⚪ After holding Leverkusen to a stalemate, Bayern reasserted their dominance against 3rd place Eintracht Frankfurt. Four different scorers found the scoresheet, but it was Jamal Musiala’s weaving solo run through the Frankfurt defense, punctuated by falling down and regathering himself to slot it away, that drew the most gasps.

Now eight points clear after two of the most challenging fixtures remaining on the schedule, Bayern look set to reclaim the Bundesliga title. However, we can’t and won’t assume that a team featuring Harry Kane has won a trophy until Hazza himself lifts the hardware.

🔝4⃣ While the title may be escaping the clutches of challengers, there’s plenty left to play for in Germany this season. The race for the fourth Champions League slot couldn’t be more hotly contested, with Freiburg sitting fourth on 39 points and three teams within three points of that tally.

Freiburg beat Bremen 5-0 on Friday night for its fourth straight win. Languishing in the bottom half just weeks ago, the club has laid siege to the table to stake a temporary claim to the last Champions League place. Mainz recorded a 2-0 victory over St. Pauli on Saturday to keep pace, while RB Leipzig dropped points again to slide to sixth. After the Red Bull club’s putrid performance in the Champions League this season, few neutral observers would mind seeing fresh blood in the competition.

⚫🟡 Dortmund maintained the momentum from its Champions League triumph midweek, taking out domestic frustrations on Union Berlin with a 6-0 thrashing. Serhou Guirassy scored four times in propelling the Black and Yellow to their first league win under Niko Kovac. Still, they face an uphill battle to reenter the European conversation.

🔵⚪ An 86th-minute winner from Fernando Calero gained Espanyol a massive victory over Deportivo Alaves in a clash with relegation implications. Espanyol move four points clear of the drop with the win.

🟡🔵 Villareal kept pace in the battle for Top 4, beating Rayo Vallecano on a 66th-minute goal from Ayoze Perez. Jorge de Frutos saw red late in the first half for Rayo.

🔴⚪ An early brace from Julian Alvarez sent Atletico Madrid into cruise control in a 3-0 win over Valencia. Antoine Griezmann was massively influential in both Alvarez goals, assisting the second. Whichever MLS side gets Griezmann next season will inherit a player with plenty of magic left. The win keeps Simeone’s men just one point adrift in the title race.

🔴🔵 Goals from substitutes Dani Olmo and Ferran Torres propelled Barcelona to a 2-0 victory and to the top of the table. To think Barcelona were so close to failing to register Olmo. Who knows what future rights they sold to make it happen, but we’re sure it’ll all be worth it should it end in a La Liga title this year. Right? Right?

⚪⚪ Thanks to an absolute humdinger from Luka Modric, Real Madrid sailed to a 2-0 victory over Girona. Modric is the epitome of “class is permanent,” and his sparing usage is a remarkable luxury for the Spanish giant. Maximum respect to a legend.

🇪🇸 Elsewhere: Athletic Bilbao breezed past bottom-of-the-table Valladolid 7-1, aided by a Nico Williams brace. Very excited to see who Chelsea unloads to bring Nico aboard. Antony assisted Isco’s opener for Betis before being sent off in the 94th minute; he’ll now miss the clash with Real Madrid, which—against all odds—appears like it’ll be a massive absence for Betis.

⚫⚪ The weekend began in enthralling fashion in Italy, where Udinese’s Lorenzo Lucca utterly refused to allow club captain and designated penalty taker Florian Thauvin to take a penalty. Despite the animated and prolonged urgings of his teammates, Lucca insisted on taking the penalty and proceeded to uncork a missile to record the match’s only goal. Turns out he’s the Robert Lewandowski of Ademola Lookmans.

Nobody even considered celebrating with Lucca, and he was promptly subbed off. Credit for taking no mercy on the ball. You can’t make a scene like that and then try a panenka.

⚫🔴 AC Milan doesn’t appear to be a club on a positive trajectory after crashing out of Europe midweek. Christian Pulisic failed to score from a penalty for the first time, and Tijjani Reijnders’ 74th-minute equalizer held for just two minutes before Torino’s Gvidas Gineitis scored the winner.

⚫🔵 Inter Milan scraped a 1-0 victory over Genoa on the back of a 78th-minute Lautaro Martinez goal. The win would be enough to send Inter to the top of the table, because…

🔵⚪ Napoli lost 2-1 at Como. A 77th-minute goal from Assane Diao (we warned about Diao on Friday) put Como ahead; Diao has now scored in three straight games. It’s a landmark win for Como and a devastating setback for Napoli, but an opportunity for redemption awaits next weekend when Napoli hosts Inter. Perhaps the biggest match of the Serie A season.

Sidenote: even on TV, the backdrop at Como is breathtaking.

🔵⚫ Unfazed by being called the worst penalty taker Gian Piero Gasperini has ever seen, Ademola Lookman responded with a clinical brace on Sunday, helping Atalanta to a 5-0 victory over Empoli. While the Scudetto has been perceived as a two-horse race this season, Atalanta trail by just three points and boast the league’s top scorer (Mateo Retegui) and the best, worst penalty taker in world football.

🔴🟠 Roma are now ten matches unbeaten in Serie A, winning seven of those fixtures. They were just four points clear of the relegation zone when Claudio Ranieri took over.

🔴🔵 In a match with significant Champions League implications, Lille beat Monaco 2-1 behind a Hakon Arnar Haraldsson brace to move into 4th. A first-half stoppage-time goal from Liverpool legend Takumi Minamino was not enough, though Minamino has now scored in three straight.

🔵⚪ Auxerre scored a 3-0 upset over Marseille, with Jubal notching a brace. Derek Cornelius was sent off in the 63rd minute for Roberto De Zerbi’s side.

🤠 After footage of PSG’s Nasser Al-Khelaifi calling Lyon’s John Textor a “cowboy” in a summer meeting leaked last week, Textor showed up to the arena wearing a cowboy hat.

It’s phenomenal banter for a Ligue 1 in need of characters, but the act doesn’t land as well if your side loses. And lose they did. Achraf Hakimi scored a brace and Ousmane Dembele added a goal in a 3-2 win for PSG, propelling them 13 points clear at the top. Corentin Tolisso narrowed the gap to one in stoppage time, scoring for the fifth straight match for Lyon.

We obtained this exclusive footage of John Textor watching the match unfold.

⚪🔵 Leeds scored three unanswered goals in the second half to beat Sheffield United at home in a 1st-versus-2nd clash of Championship titans. Ao Tanaka’s crafty header gave Leeds the lead in the 89th minute, and Joel Piroe unleashed this beauty one minute later to seal the points.

Leeds are now five points clear at the top and seven points clear in the battle for automatic promotion.

📈 Staying in the Championship, Coventry City won their third straight league game on Saturday. When Frank Lampard took over in November, the club was in 17th place, just two points clear of the relegation places. Today, they’re up to 7th, trailing the playoff spots by just a point. Super Frank. Great manager, even better name for a racehorse.

🐐 The MLS season kicked off on Saturday, and Lionel Messi recorded two sublime assists, including one on an equalizer in the 10th minute of stoppage time in a 2-2 draw against NYCFC.

⚽️ League-record signings Kevin Denkey and Emmanuel Latte Lath both scored in their debuts, with the latter making it a brace. Both Cincinnati and Atlanta won (over NY Red Bulls and CF Montreal respectively).

🏄‍♂️ San Diego FC won in its first-ever MLS game, beating the reigning league champions LA Galaxy 2-0. Anders Dreyer scored both goals to announce his arrival in the US following successful spells at Anderlecht and Midtjylland.

🇹🇷 Galatasaray and Fenerbahce battled to a 0-0 stalemate on Monday to keep Galatasaray’s lead stable at six points. Neither side scored any goals, but Galatasaray did accuse Jose Mourinho of racist remarks.

🇳🇱 Ajax extended its lead over PSV to 5 points with a 2-0 win over Go Ahead Eagles. Brian Brobbey opened the scoring for the Amsterdam side.

🇧🇷 Neymar scored an Olimpico for Santos over the weekend, celebrating nonchalantly. We didn’t realize just how much we missed this whirling footballing wonder during his injury-ridden spell in Saudi Arabia.

🇲🇽 Sergio Ramos debuted for Monterrey in a 3-1 victory, playing 80 minutes and wearing the armband.

We’re blessed with a rare full slate of midweek games in the Premier League. Will we begin to see any separation in a battle for fourth place that features five sides within two points of each other?

Brighton vs. Bournemouth (2:30 PM Tues - Peacock)

Bournemouth looks to respond from a disappointing loss to Wolves, meeting a Brighton side suddenly in red-hot form, winners of three straight. Is this the moment a cherry turns back into a pumpkin?

Nottingham Forest vs. Arsenal (2:30 PM Weds - Peacock)

The third and second-place teams in the league meet, both licking their wounds from weekend defeats. Forest can pull within three points of second with a win, while Arsenal have no margin for error in the title race. Those title ambitions could melt into a fight for second with a loss to the Tricky Trees.

Liverpool vs. Newcastle (3:15 PM Weds - USA)

A dress rehearsal for the Carabao Cup final in mid-March, Liverpool hosts Newcastle looking to avenge their earlier, entertaining draw on Tyneside. Newcastle have ebbed hot and cold this season and will need to be at their best to nick a point or more. Lewis Hall, fresh from a complete performance against Forest, draws the unenviable task of dealing with Mo Salah.

DOMESTIC CUPS

Here come the cups. Quarterfinals in Germany and Italy and semifinal first-legs in Spain highlight this week’s action.

🇩🇪 DFB Pokal (Quarterfinal)

Arminia Bielefeld vs. Werder Bremen (2:45 PM Tues - ESPN+)

RB Leipzig vs. Wolfsburg (2:45 PM Weds - ESPN+)

Note: Stuttgart and Leverkusen have already punched their tickets to the semifinal.

🇮🇹 Coppa Italia (Quarterfinal)

Inter vs. Lazio (3:00 PM Tues - Paramount+)

Juventus vs. Empoli (3:00 PM Weds - Paramount+)

Note: Milan and Bologna await the winners of these matches in the semifinal (and those two play Thursday in Serie A). Could we see a Derby Della Madonnina with cup implications?

🇪🇸 Copa Del Rey (Semifinal - Leg 1)

Barcelona vs. Atletico Madrid (3:30 PM Tues - ESPN+)

Real Sociedad vs. Real Madrid (3:30 PM Weds - ESPN+)

Yikes: Atletico is set to play either Barcelona or Real Madrid five times in the next eight matches. Simeone’s teams are tough, but we want to curl up in a ball just thinking about it.

🇺🇸 Concacaf Champions Cup

You caught us. This is a continental competition, but it seems heavy-handed to give the Concacaf Champions its own section this early in the draw.

Inter Miami vs. Sporting Kansas City (8:00 PM Tues)

As he so often does, Messi highlights the slate with Inter Miami carrying a 1-0 lead from the first leg back home. Will they lean on him after playing 100 minutes on Saturday night?

Oof: the referee who asked for Messi’s autograph after last week’s game received a six-month ban. The memory of a quick hello and a handshake might’ve sufficed…

Santiago Rodriguez joined Botafogo from NYCFC for a reported fee of $15 million, the second-highest in NYCFC history behind Taty Castellanos. Rodriguez had 22 goal contributions last season and will be counted on to replace some of the departed Thiago Almada’s production.

Former Aston Villa product Indiana Vassiliev moved from St. Louis to Philadelphia. Not exactly billboard material, we know, but it’s late February and the transfer pickings are extremely slim!

If that one didn’t get you out of your seat, surely this one will:

Former Leeds and Rangers striker Kemar Roofe signed for Derby County, ending his extended free agency.

Toronto FC held Lorenzo Insigne out of the season opener, and the club hopes to find a move away for the Italian magician. Insigne is not in Toronto’s plans but reportedly refuses to leave, likely because of his weighty contract.

Paul Pogba was in attendance at Inter Miami’s match over the weekend, sparking a fresh set of unsubstantiated rumors. But where will Pogba end up? And will there be dabbing?

Kevin De Bruyne is rumored to be nearing an agreement with San Diego FC to join the club on a free transfer as a legendary Manchester City career approaches its end.