Raphinha may have overpromised.

CONMEBOL World Cup Qualifying

🇦🇷 Argentina 4 Brazil 1 🇧🇷

As the old saying goes, Raphinha wrote a check his butt couldn't cash when he said: “We will beat them. No doubt. On and off the pitch, if we have to.” Ever the sportsmen, the Argentine side shrugged off the comments and gracefully enjoyed their resounding victory.

Raphinha had to run a gauntlet of shithousery on his way off the pitch, as his rivals thoroughly enjoyed spoon-feeding him his words.

Argentina, led by a cheeky Alexis Mac Allister finish, have now beaten Brazil in four of their last five encounters. Ironically, they didn’t even need this win; they qualified for the World Cup hours earlier thanks to a 0-0 Bolivia-Uruguay draw.

So they destroyed the Seleção purely for the banter.

🇨🇴 Colombia 2 Paraguay 2 🇵🇾

Early goals from Luis Diaz (now the leading scorer in CONMEBOL qualifying) and Jhon Duran could not seal three points for Colombia, as Julio Enciso notched this insane equalizer in the 62nd minute.

Let that be a testament to the stockpiles of talent at Brighton. That man had to go on loan at Ipswich to see the pitch more regularly. The Gulls are one South American loan spell away from becoming the one thing they wanted to destroy: Chelsea.

Colombia sit in the sixth and final qualifying spot with a five-point cushion over Venezuela. James Rodriguez was already booted from the Club World Cup. Surely we can’t eject him from a second World Cup in as many years?

🇪🇺 UEFA World Cup Qualifying

🇲🇰 North Macedonia 1 Wales 1 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Stoppage-time goals from Girona’s Bojan Miovski and Bournemouth’s David Brooks saw this one finish all square. North Macedonia and Wales sit atop Group J with four points apiece, but they’ll soon be joined by Belgium who have yet to play in qualifying. Big Rom awaits.

🇮🇱 Israel 2 Norway 4 🇳🇴

Norway have amassed a perfect six points from a possible six, rampaging to victory over Israel with four different goalscorers, including strike-duo Erling Haaland and Alexander Sorloth. Martin Odegaard provided three assists to lead the Norwegians to the top of their group, which will include Italy post-Nations League.

AFC World Cup Qualifying

🇮🇷 Iran 2 Uzbekistan 2 🇺🇿

A Mehdi Taremi brace sent Iran to the World Cup, joining Japan among the region's qualifiers. Uzbekistan is closing in on qualification, but they’re not there yet. With two matchdays left and a four-point advantage, they’ll confirm their reservation with a draw or better against UAE in June. Keep your fingers crossed, Khusanov fans.

CAF World Cup Qualifying

🇲🇦 Morocco 2 Tanzania 0 🇹🇿

Goals from Nayef Aguerd and Brahim Diaz extended Morocco’s lead atop group E to nine points as their place in the 2026 competition appears all but assured.

🇩🇿 Algeria 5 Mozambique 1 🇲🇿

A hat trick from Wolfsburg’s Mohamed Amoura sent Algeria off to the races in a pivotal clash between the top two teams in Group G. Algeria now has a three-point lead over Mozambique, albeit with an 11-goal advantage in goal difference.

🇨🇲 Cameroon 3 Libya 1 🇱🇾

A brace from Vincent Aboubakar and a goal from Bryan Mbeumo gave Cameroon a win to keep pace with Cape Verde, who currently have a one-point advantage in Group D.

🇸🇳 Senegal 2 Togo 0 🇹🇬

Tottenham’s Pape Matar Sarr opened the scoring for Senegal en route to a 2-0 victory. They remain one point behind Congo DR and level with Sudan in a tightly contested Group B. Assane Diao made his first start for Senegal after declaring his allegiance earlier this month.

🔝 Barcelona returned to action to play its previously postponed match against Osasuna, picking up right where they left off with a 3-0 win. Ferran Torres, Dani Olmo, and Robert Lewandowski scored to extend the club’s unbeaten run to 19 games. Barcelona may be displeased with their congested fixture list (who isn’t?), but the cracks haven’t started to show….yet.

🇧🇷 Corinthians and Palmeiras drew 0-0 in the second leg of the Campeonato Paulista final, with Corinthians claiming the cup on a 1-0 aggregate lead despite two second-half red cards. Fiesty. It looks like Memphis Depay is assimilating well, starting a brawl by standing on the ball in stoppage time.

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 FA Cup

Brighton vs. Nottingham Forest (1:15 PM SAT)

The last time these two sides met in early February, Forest unleashed a generational 7-0 whooping on the Seagulls, inspiring Fabian Hürzeler to light his tactics on fire, literally. Brighton haven’t lost since, rattling off six consecutive wins before drawing City before the break. While Forest had a challenging February after spending their entire goal allowance against Brighton, they returned to form in March to reignite belief in their Champions League credentials.

In summary: this is the most intriguing FA Cup tie of the weekend.

Bournemouth vs. Manchester City (11:30 AM SUN)

Bournemouth are limping into this one, last enjoying victory in mid-February. While the brightest possibilities for a remarkable campaign have since faded, an appearance at Wembley would be the conclusion the Cherries’ meteoric rise deserves.

Operation ABC (Anybody But City) commences on Sunday.

The remaining quarterfinals:

Fulham vs. Crystal Palace (8:15 AM SAT)

Preston vs. Aston Villa (8:30 AM SUN)

Gladbach vs. Leipzig (10:30 AM SAT)

Two sides with tenuous standing in the battle for Champions League places meet at Borussia Park on Saturday. It’s a must-have for Gladbach who are five points adrift. They’ll take confidence from Tim Kleindienst’s performance over the international break; he scored in both games for Germany.

Dortmund vs. Mainz (11:30 AM SUN)

The Jurgen Klopp Derby! While Dortmund won’t achieve anything domestically this season, they still have a chance to play spoiler as they gear up for more European nights ahead. Mainz are unbeaten in their last six, winning four of those contests, but their grip on third place is precarious with Frankfurt level on points.

Barcelona vs. Girona (10:15 SUN)

Barcelona get the Europa League treatment as they’ll play Girona on Sunday just days after meeting Osasuna, with a squad fatigued from extensive international obligations. Could we see a slip-up in the title race? Somebody tell Raphinha to skip any interviews.

Betis vs. Sevilla (1:30 PM SUN)

El Gran Derbi. The most passionate rivalry in La Liga pits cross-town rivals Betis and Sevilla against each other in a city divided. The stakes are higher for a Betis side in Europa League contention.

Napoli vs. Milan (2:45 PM SUN)

Milan are winners of two straight, albeit in remarkably shaky fashion. They’re dangerous enough to threaten Napoli’s title credentials; the hosts can ill afford to cede points at the Maradona. Milan will hope Christian Pulisic regains his strong club form after a deeply disappointing window with the US.

Fiorentina vs. Atalanta (9:00 AM SUN)

Atalanta, already six points adrift, have no margin for error if they’re to keep pace for the Scudetto. A visit to Fiorentina will not be a welcome respite, particularly after La Viola’s 3-0 destruction of Juventus before the break. Making matters more treacherous, Moise Kean is coming off a brace against Germany in Azzurri action. Ah Moise, always better in blue.

Monaco vs. Nice (4:05 PM SAT)

The Derby de la Côte d'Azur pits third-place Monaco against fourth-place Nice in a clash with massive European implications, heightening the stakes beyond fierce local pride. Can Mika Biereth reignite his form after Denmark's disappointing defeat to Portugal in the Nations League? Or is he forever scarred by the sight of Rasmus Hojland’s SIUUU?

🦩 Inter Miami, winners of six straight, welcome current Eastern Conference leader Philadelphia on Saturday night at 7:30 PM.

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Sheffield United hosts red-hot Coventry City this afternoon at 4:00 PM in a match that could have a significant impact on the race for the Championship title and automatic promotion.

🇳🇱 PSV and Ajax meet on Sunday morning at 8:30 AM in a clash of the top two sides in the Eredivisie. PSV can cut the deficit to three points with a win, while Ajax could extend their lead to a near-insurmountable nine points in victory. That’s right: a Jordan Henderson trophy shuffle is at stake.

🇦🇷 In Argentina, River Plate hosts Rosario Central in a matchup of the 3rd and 2nd place sides in Group B.

🇲🇽 First-place América hosts third-place Tigrés in Liga MX.

🇧🇷 The top two teams in last season’s Brazilian Serie A meet on Sunday, as Palmeiras—fresh from their loss to Corinthians in the Campeonato Paulista Final—hosts Botafogo.

🇹🇷 Galatasaray visits Besiktas on Saturday afternoon (1:30 PM ET) in an Istanbul derby. Besiktas had been on a terrific run of form under Ole Gunnar Solskjaer until they dropped three straight before the international break. The fall in performance coincides directly with Ruben Amorim solidifying his place at United. Now why would that be?

Don’t feel bad, Ole. We thought you were a shoo-in to take the wheel too.

🪟 Premier League clubs have voted to open the transfer window from June 1st to June 10th before the Club World Cup. Big mistake guys. Boehly could sign seven or eight of the world’s most promising talents in ten days and set them on a fast track toward loan spells and unmet potential.

💰Qatar Sports Investment, owners of PSG, are reportedly in talks to buy Spanish club Malaga. The second division side is in a beautiful coastal city in southern Spain; imagine what a cash infusion could do. Might be a slightly easier sell for talented players than, say, Hull or Stoke. It wasn’t that long ago (2012-13) that the club qualified for the Champions League and made the quarterfinal.