The Inevitable is Confirmed

EVE 1 ARS 1

A controversial second-half Iliman Ndiaye penalty deprived Arsenal of an opportunity to cut three points from Liverpool’s lead. Mikel Arteta fielded a heavily rotated side in his final return to Goodison Park, facing the manager that handed him his Premier League debut.

But there’s no room for sentimentality against Moyes’ Everton, and despite a material advantage in attacking stats, Arsenal could not find an additional breakthrough after Leandro Trossard’s first-half opener.

Only three games remain in the Goodison epilogue; its story ended with Tarkowski’s 96th-minute equalizer against Liverpool.

CRY 2 BRI 1

Not a derby?! No reason for rivalry?!

Tell that to the three red cards flashed in this fiery affair.

Jean-Philippe Mateta opened the scoring with a rocket, proving beyond all doubt that the headgear and shirt-tuck combination emits far too much aura for the league to handle.

The ageless Danny Welbeck equalized for Brighton, notching his eighth league goal of the campaign to set the stage for a tense second half.

Fed by the oft-influential Eberechi Eze on the counter, Daniel Munoz struck the winner for Palace in the 55th minute before the M23 Derby became the red wedding. Eddie Nketiah earned his second yellow in the 78th minute before Marc Guehi and Jan Paul van Hecke joined him in the penalty box with second yellows of their own in stoppage time.

Palace are unbeaten in their last seven matches, winning six of those contests with the lone draw coming against—Checks notes. Checks them again. Really?! Are you sure?! Okay then.—Southampton. Since the start of the year, Palace are second to only Liverpool in points amassed.

As a result, they sit only four points behind Brighton in the table with a game in hand, as this defeat deals a near-mortal blow to the Gulls’ European hopes.

IPS 1 WOL 2

Look. We said they are stayin’ up, said they are stayin’ up. And we meant it. No takebacks.

But for much of Saturday’s match, Ipswich looked keen to test the infallibility of our potentially premature song. Liam Delap—of course—opened the scoring for the Tractor Boys, and Ipswich defended that lead until the 72nd minute.

Even in the prolonged absence of Matheus Cunha, Wolves continue to find a way to grind out results. Pablo Sarabia equalized before Jorgen Strand Larsen (four goals in his last three) found the winner in the 84th minute to effectively seal both their survival and Ipswich’s demotion. Wolverhampton move 12 points clear with the win.

Always tune in to a relegation six-pointer. You’re guaranteed to see something ridiculous. Like this indirect free kick mere yards from goal.

HOLD THE LINE! 

WHU 2 BOU 2

The Cherries have turned utterly rotten.

Evanilson struck twice for Bournemouth—in the 38th and 79th minutes—to bring his tally to six goals in the last six games. The second was an equalizer, undoing the damage done by two West Ham goals in seven minutes from Niclas Fullkrug and Jarrod Bowen.

Bournemouth haven’t won since February 15th against—checks notes, okay that seems right—Southampton. We initially scoffed at the notion Spurs wanted Iraola, purely because we thought it laughable that such a hot managerial candidate would choose Spurs.

You know what? Suddenly, it’s starting to feel right.

AVL 2 NOT 1

Two goals in two minutes—from Morgan Rogers and Donyell Malen—put third-place Forest in an early hole at Villa. Jota Silva, that Portuguese Grealish, gave the visitors life in the 57th minute, and Murillo launched a howitzer that came mere inches from equalizing in second-half stoppage time.

Still, Villa were the aggressors and the superior side in this unexpectedly high-powered tilt of Champions League contenders. The win is their sixth straight in all competitions, pulling them into sixth place, just two points shy of fifth and fourth.

FUL 3 LIV 2

With news of Arsenal’s stumble in hand, the Reds visited Craven Cottage in need of just four wins to secure the title, and their quest began auspiciously with an Alexis Mac Allister thunderbolt to snare a 1-0 advantage.

Mac Allister’s strike was both the start and end of Liverpool’s first-half highlight reel, as Ryan Sessegnon and Alex Iwobi capitalized on mistakes from Curtis Jones and Andy Robertson respectively to take the lead.

A few years ago, much was made of Virgil Van Dijk’s unblemished record against opponents trying to dribble past him, but we reckon he’s started a new streak. We can’t remember the last time (or any time) he took accountability for a goal scored at his fault. Always looking for a foul. Always hand up for offside. Always barking at teammates.

One of VVD’s biggest strengths—his unerring confidence that he won’t be beaten—is also one of his biggest weaknesses, and he simply could not believe Rodrigo Muniz outmuscled him for a loose ball and held him off for the finish to extend Fulham’s advantage to two.

Arne Slot finally made substitutions in the 55th minute, and the recently introduced Luis Diaz repaid him with a 72nd-minute goal. Fellow substitute Harvey Elliott—who can’t seem to earn a start no matter how often impresses—rattled the crossbar with a curling effort moments later. That’s the closest they would come, as their wait for the title will extend.

Is that Mikel’s previously dead body stirring in the other room?

BRE 0 CHE 0

Chelsea managed 21 shots in total, five of them on target, but they could not find the back of the net against their London neighbors in a clunker devoid of highlights. There’s little else to offer about this one, though the Blues will surely gulp at the growing image of Aston Villa and Newcastle in the rear-view mirror.

TOT 3 SOU 1

There was so much at stake for Southampton—so much to gain from a win—that we couldn’t help but feel their visit to Spurs was fortuitously timed. A win would delay their relegation, temporarily, and secure their status as not the worst Premier League side of all time, permanently.

Surely, Spurs, who lost at home to Leicester, would prove a hospitable host?

Not this time! Spurs are your punching bag no more, bottom-three sides!

Brennan Johnson scored a first-half brace, reaching double digits in the league for the campaign. Mateus Fernandes, the diamond in the disgusting rough of an excruciating Saints season, pulled one back in the 90th minute, but Mathys Tel sealed their fate with a 96th-minute penalty to open his Premier League account. As one Premier League story begins, another ends.

But let’s be honest. Southampton were relegated months ago. Sunday only confirms it.

It’s a third relegation for Aaron Ramsdale, who goes down more frequently than an elevator operator in hell.

MUN 0 MCI 0

The deserved pre-match feting of Kevin De Bruyne was the most eventful part of a toothless Manchester Derby that will offer little in the way of belief to two sets of supporters yearning for it.

The standout stat was Casemiro’s 11 tackles, the most by a midfielder against City in the Guardiola era and the most for a United player in the Premier League since 2008. If a game’s highlight was Casemiro’s tackles, you know it wasn’t a great watch.

United’s focus has no doubt turned to Lyon in the Europa League at midweek, but even with five Champions League places, City’s margin for error is slim and getting slimmer.

LEI 0 NEW 3

Leicester have lost nine straight games. Worse, they haven’t scored in their last seven matches (and last eight Premier League matches).

Southampton may have been relegated first, but Leicester have embarrassed themselves far worse this season. When teams are scoring goals like these against you, embarrassment might be an understatement.

Fans filed out of the King Power after 35 minutes with Newcastle already 3-0 up. Jacob Murphy scored a brace to lead Newcastle to a third successive win and fifth place standing.

😲 Just as we all expected, 15th-place Valencia swaggered into the Bernebeu and left with all three points.

Hugo Duro’s 95th-minute headed winner dumbfounded the Madrid faithful after a prolonged assault on the Valencia net that was stymied again and again by keeper Giorgio Mamardashvili. Mamardashvili, the man of the match, saved a first-half Vinicius penalty and is still awaiting the 50 bucks he bet on it.

🤝 We were half right. We felt Barcelona were candidates to drop points against a red-hot Betis side and drop points they did. A Natan header in the 17th minute canceled out Gavi’s 7th-minute opener, and the two sides had to settle for a point apiece. Betis still haven't lost since Antony’s arrival.

🔙 Just when we think we’re out, they pull us back in! After watching rivals Madrid and Barcelona drop points atop the table on Saturday, Atlético returned to winning ways on Sunday at Sevilla. Lucien Agoumé returned the visitors to their world of hurt with a venomous 7th-minute strike, but Julian Alvarez equalized with a penalty in the 25th.

Pablo Barrios found the 93rd-minute winner, charging past the Sevilla defense from midfield to curl a left-footed effort past Orjan Nyland. Barcelona may still be out of reach, but Atléti’s cross-town rivals sit only a tantalizing three points ahead.

🔵⚪ Celta Vigo beat Mallorca 2-1 thanks to two second-half goals to extend their unbeaten run to eight games. The last time they lost was on February 2nd.

0⃣0⃣ Athletic and Villareal played to a 0-0 stalemate, which is a welcome result for an Athletic side still five points ahead of the next closest competitor for fourth place. Better keep an eye out for Betis.

A massively inviting slate of weekend fixtures became a parade of draws in Serie A, largely preserving the status quo. Of the ten games contested, only three ended with a victor.

🔵⚫ After first-half goals from Matteo Darmian and Marcus Thuram built a 2-0 advantage for the league leaders, Inter capitulated in the second half, allowing Parma to equalize through Adrian Bernabé and Jacob Ondrejka. Massively disappointing dropped points against a side sitting 16th in the table. But with one of their goals (Thuram’s) scored like this, they probably didn’t deserve all three points.

🟣🔴 Visitors Fiorentina struck twice in the first ten minutes at Milan, first through a Malick Thiaw own goal and then via Everton legend Moise Kean. But Milan is both Jekyll and Hyde, and rather than buckle, they battled back to level the match via goals from Tammy Abraham and Luka Jovic. American Yunus Musah endured a nightmarish evening, getting the hook after just 23 minutes on the pitch. In a crowded race for Europe, it’s difficult to see Milan charging to the forefront.

📈 Lazio secured three significant points as visitors to Atalanta, needing only a 54th-minute Gustav Isaksen goal to climb to fifth in the table. Atalanta are winless in their last three and look more likely to bow out of the Champions League places than to mount a Scudetto challenge.

🤝 Roma and Juventus battled to a 1-1 draw as Eldor Shomurodov canceled out Manuel Locatelli’s sizzling opener. The result preserves Roma’s Serie A unbeaten streak, with their ledger unblemished since December.

🔙👠 Andre-Frank Zambo Anguissa rampaged through the Bologna defense to put visitors Napoli 1-nil up in their quest to narrow Inter’s lead atop the table. But this Bologna side—entering winners of six straight—is no pushover. A ridiculous Dan Ndoye back-heel leveled the scoring in the 64th minute, and it would remain knotted at 1-1 until the final whistle.

🥇 Bayern enjoyed a stress-free weekend after handling business at Augsburg on Friday. Jamal Musiala and Harry Kane scored for the visitors. But while Bayern won’t stress about their title standing, they will worry about Musiala’s health; he came off injured and will miss the Champions League quarterfinal against Inter.

🥈 Leverkusen kept pace—just barely—as Emiliano Buendia struck in second-half stoppage time to snare all three points for Xabi Alonso’s side against Heidenheim. The goal came on Leverkusen’s second shot on target. This team waits for the last minute more than dads doing gift shopping on Christmas Eve.

🤕 Mainz could only manage a draw with league-bottom Holstein Kiel, equalizing through Nelson Weiper in the 75th minute. Their rampant form has cooled at the wrong moment, but can they limp across the finish line?

📈 Leipzig took advantage of stumbles from Champions League competitors, thoroughly beating Hoffenheim thanks to goals from Benjamin Sesko, Ridle Baku, and Yussuf Poulsen. They sit just one point outside of fourth.

🔙 Welcome back to the top half of the table, Borussia Dortmund! After months spent in the bottom-half wilderness, successive victories over Mainz and Freiburg have propelled them to eighth, five points from Champions League places. They couldn’t, could they? Serhou Guirassy scored for the first time in six matches for Dortmund, bringing his league total to 15.

3⃣ Ermedin Demirovic scored a hat trick to spark Stuttgart’s 4-0 win at Bochum.

🥉Bremen scored a shock 2-0 upset over Frankfurt at home, ending a three-match winning streak for the third-place side and ensuring an even cozier battle for European places.

🏆 PSG officially claimed the first major league title of the season, though their status as victors has never been in doubt in 2025. Désiré Doué notched the lone goal in a 1-0 defeat of Angers to seal a fourth consecutive Ligue 1 conquest. Six matches to spare? Clinch it in December next year, you cowards.

🧱 Nantes roiled Nice’s hopes of Champions League qualification on Friday afternoon, winning 2-1 thanks in part to first-half goals from Douglas and Mattis Abline but mostly because of an Anthony Lopes masterclass in goal.

📉 Nice’s Cote d’Azur neighbors endured a similar setback, as Mahdi Camara struck in the 94th minute to deliver a 2-1 Brest victory over Monaco.

🔵🔴 Against that backdrop of dropped points, Lyon secured a critical win over Lille, with goals from Alexandre Lacazette (from the spot) and Rayan Cherki.

🪂 An ominous harbinger for Toulouse: a paratrooper got stuck on the roof on his descent into the stadium.

While he was okay, the hosts were not. Marseille returned to winning ways—and to second place—after three consecutive defeats. Adrien Rabiot and Mason Greenwood scored for the visitors, with the latter unleashing a rocket from outside the box.

📈 Strasbourg vaulted into fourth place amid the results elsewhere, securing a sixth straight victory on a fourth-minute Ismael Doukoure goal. The club hasn’t lost since early February.

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Those hoping for fresh blood among the Premier League’s promoted sides next season are unlikely to get it. Burnley surged to the top of the Championship table over the weekend, beating Coventry 2-1 behind a brace from Jaidon Anthony. Both Sheffield United and Leeds dropped points. Just two points separate the three clubs striving for automatic promotion.

🦩 Lionel Messi scored in first-half stoppage time—just moments after he had another goal disallowed—to equalize for Inter Miami in a 1-1 draw with Toronto. But his goal takes second billing to this filth from Federico Bernardeschi.

It’s moments like these that make us love this section. Names you haven’t heard in a minute, still making magic on the pitch.

🇵🇹 Benfica trounced Porto 4-1 on Sunday, as Vangelis Pavlidis scored a hat trick and Nicolas Otamendi added an insurance goal in second-half stoppage time. On Monday, Sporting stumbled to a 1-1 draw with Braga, ceding a two-point lead to Benfica in the title race. Viktor Gyokeres notched his 30th league goal of the season in the draw.

🇹🇷 Fenerbahce cut Galatasaray’s lead atop the Turkish table to just three points, beating Tabzonspor 4-1 behind an Anderson Talisca hat trick. Man absolutely refuses to grace one of Europe’s top leagues with his gifts, but he was a streets-don’t-forget icon in FIFA 18.

🇲🇽 Everton legend Salomon Rondon scored the lone goal in Pachuca’s 1-0 defeat of league leaders América.

🇧🇷 Corinthians beat Vasco de Gama 3-0 with goals from Yuri Alberto and Memphis Depay.

Arsenal vs. Real Madrid (3:00 PM ET TUE)

Believe it or not, these clubs haven’t met in the Champions League since 2006, but Thierry Henry—who scored the lone goal in that Round of 16 matchup—is walking onto the CBS desk, not onto the Emirates pitch. Can Arteta’s men oppose the gravitational pull that seems to drag Madrid so often to the final of this competition? A loss to Valencia at home illustrates the Galacticos’ fallibility.

Bayern vs. Inter Milan (3:00 PM ET TUE)

The Bundesliga leader meets the Serie A leader in a clash of European titans at the Allianz Arena. The absence of Jamal Musiala looms large for the hosts, while Inter will look to punch its ticket to the final four for the second time in three years. The Italian side have lost and drawn just once in the competition this campaign, winning all other fixtures.

PSG vs. Aston Villa (3:00 PM ET WED)

PSG were probably quite pleased with themselves for foiling the Premier League’s big-bad in Liverpool, not realizing that the real final boss would actually be waiting to bid them “good ebening” in the quarterfinal. Both sides are winners of their last six matches, a streak that will end for one or both on Wednesday. Who would’ve guessed a few years ago a Champions League quarterfinal featuring Aston Villa would be the must-watch fixture of the round?

Barcelona vs. Borussia Dortmund (3:00 PM ET WED)

Stranger things have happened, we guess? Dortmund head to Barcelona in improved form, but they no doubt look the part of the weakest side remaining in the competition. Hansi Flick boasts a wealth of experience beating the German club, and despite the draw with Betis, his Barcelona have demonstrated an unfailing penchant for getting results.

Spurs vs. Frankfurt (3:00 PM THU)

Grab that lifeline, Ange! For some Spurs supporters, nothing short of lifting the Europa League trophy could spare the manager—and ownership—from their scorn. For many, even that won’t do it. But even absent a trophy, passage to the final would install some foundation for the club to build from. Their opposition, Frankfurt, still have much to play for domestically, but it’s not enough for Spurs to want it more; they have to play like they want it more.

Lyon vs. Manchester United (3:00 PM THU)

Ah, the European knockout that late-2000s dreams are made of. But there’s no Juninho or Rooney to anchor this one. Much like in the matchup above, a club with lingering European aspirations for next season meets an English club with no North Star to chase in the Premier League. The financial ramifications of winning this competition are enormous for both sides. One’s trying to stave off provisional relegation. The other is trying to build a gigantic circus tent.

Plus:

Bodo/Glimt vs. Lazio (12:45 PM THU)

Rangers vs. Athletic (3:00 PM THU)

👋 Last week, we got news of Kevin De Bruyne’s impending departure from Manchester City, and now two more stars are set to join the ranks of departing icons. Despite hopes of renewing for one more season, Thomas Muller did not receive an extension from Bayern Munich, bringing the story of a boyhood club legend to its dreaded end. Muller debuted for the first team in the 2009-2010 season! European football will not be the same without him suiting up for the Bavarians.

Former Bayern Munich defender Mats Hummels, currently with Roma, announced that he’ll be calling it a career at the season’s end. Hummels will be better remembered for his dual spells at Dortmund, where he won the Bundesliga twice and twice appeared in Champions League Finals. He was a member of three Bundesliga-winning teams at Bayern, bringing his career total to five.

📝 After months of nonexistent progress, evasive answers for journalists, and fervent speculation, it appears that both Mohamed Salah and Virgil Van Dijk are inching closer to new contracts that will extend their respective stays at Anfield. Inking two out of three expiring stars avoids a cataclysmic outcome for Liverpool, though they seem poised to fail with the youngest of the three.

Though we chafe at Van Dijk’s utter refusal to take accountability—at least on the pitch—for goal concessions that are inarguably his fault, he remains among the game’s very best. The same can be said about Salah, but Liverpool would be wise not to delay their succession planning, as Father Time is lurking.