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Liverpool 5 Spurs 1

We usually work chronologically, but we’ll make an exception for a title clincher. After all, we do make the rules.

Anfield showed up in full voice in anticipation of a generational party, but Spurs threw a lump into that full-throated support when former Red Dominic Solanke headed into Alisson’s net in the 12th minute. Could Ange Postecoglou’s Spurs—16th place Spurs—play the ultimate spoiler?

No, they could not.

Luis Diaz equalized from a Dominik Szoboszlai cross, a goal initially ruled out for offsides. VAR’s reversal of the ruling elicited a deafening response from the crowd, outpouring in the form of relief, jubilation, and defiance. Moments later, Alexis Mac Allister, Liverpool’s quiet and industrious phenomenon, unleashed this howitzer to snatch the lead, which the hosts would not relinquish.

Cody Gakpo and Mo Salah added goals, and the second half devolved into the Globetrotters versus the Generals, as Spurs utterly relented to the occasion and Liverpool’s insatiable attack. It was awfully kind of Spurs to give the hosts a guard of honor in their procession to the goal during the match, but typically those ceremonies wait until afterward.

Nobody would begrudge Spurs for sacking Ange and allowing a caretaker to take the reins in the Europa League; it couldn’t be worse than this.

But Sunday was about Liverpool, and when the final whistle blew, sun-soaked Anfield transformed into heaven on earth for Reds supporters, with players celebrating in front of a raucous crowd to the tune of One Kiss and Freed from Desire before settling in for an eye-watering rendition of You’ll Never Walk Alone.

Imagine looking at that and thinking your best course of action is to set sail for Madrid?

For Liverpool’s cerebral and steady Dutch manager, it’s a triumph that would’ve been unfathomable to even the most optimistic Reds fan a year ago. Arne Slot pressed the right buttons all season on and off the pitch, remaining humble and even-keeled amid so much victory. He waited for this occasion, the ultimate one, to unleash Klopp-esque fist bumps toward the Kop and used his moment on the microphone to serenade the former manager, just as Klopp had done for him a year prior.

Imagine not being romantic about football? It just means more.

Chelsea 1 Everton 0

Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Nicolas Jackson scored his first goal in four months to deliver three critical points for Chelsea. The hosts had to weather several nervy Everton attacks, including an 88th-minute strike from Dwight McNeil parried by Robert Sanchez.

The win sees Chelsea march provisionally into fourth place with Champions League rivals in FA Cup action this weekend.

Brighton 3 West Ham 2

The Graham Potter Derby!

As has been the case since Potter left Brighton, the Seagulls soared while Potter’s side floundered. With each parting manager, it becomes increasingly clear that core to Brighton’s success is not any one gaffer but the infrastructure in place to select managers and build squads.

Yasin Ayari opened the scoring—and his Brighton account—with a thumping humdinger.

Mohammed Kudus equalized shortly after halftime, and Tomas Soucek—perpetually underrated midfield bagsman—gave the Hammers the lead in the 83rd minute.

But the hosts roared back late. Kaoru Mitoma scored the equalizer in the 89th minute, and three minutes later, Carlos Baleba struck from distance to enrapture the Amex. It’s Brighton’s first win since early March, leaving Potter’s West Ham winless in their last seven.

The Hammers officially avoided the drop on Saturday, but a 17th-place finish may not be enough for the former Brighton and Chelsea manager to avoid the sack.

Newcastle 3 Ipswich 0

Ipswich confirmed their relegation with a 3-0 defeat at Newcastle on Saturday. They faced an impossible climb to avoid it, effectively needing a victory and a West Ham defeat in every remaining match.

The climb got steeper with Ben Johnson’s careless second yellow card in the 37th minute.

Newcastle feasted on the wounded Tractor Boys from there. Alexander Isak scored from the spot in first-half stoppage time, Dan Burn doubled the advantage shortly after the break, and William Osula iced the cake in the 80th minute. The win sees the Magpies ascend into third place having successfully recovered from a thorough drubbing against Aston Villa.

Ed Sheeran’s side can take some solace in being the last of the three clubs relegated and playing the best football, but that will do little to ease the sting. The Championship awaits, as do a host of suitors for Liam Delap’s now-active £30 million release clause.

Southampton 1 Fulham 2

Southampton still need just one point to avoid sharing the worst total in history with Derby County, and a Jack Stephens 14th-minute opener gave them hope that they’d achieve at least that point.

The Saints defended the lead for 72 minutes before giving way to Emile Smith Rowe’s deflected equalizer. But that’s fine! A point would do! Just batten down the hatches, lads!

You know how this ends.

The resurgent Ryan Sessegnon headed home an Adama Traore cross in the 92nd minute to complete the Cottagers’ comeback and condemn Southampton to another week’s stay at the bottom of the record books.

Wolves 3 Leicester 0

What Wolves are doing is one of the most remarkable and undercovered achievements in all of football.

This side, previously in a dogged relegation battle, has rattled off six consecutive wins to not only climb out of the relegation picture but to scale the Premier League table, passing the likes of Manchester United, Tottenham, and Everton on their way to 13th place.

Their 3-0 demolition of Leicester—which could’ve at one point been a vital six-pointer—was now an expected victory, but it’s no less sweet. Matheus Cunha, who will soon move down the table to Manchester United, notched the opener for Wolves; it’s worth noting that this unbeaten run persisted in the suspended Cunha’s absence. Jorgen Strand Larsen, who has scored in five of the last six, doubled the lead, and Rodrigo Gomes added a third.

Leicester managed just two shots on goal, and though Southampton may have the lower points total, the Foxes have become the more embarrassing side under Ruud van Nistelrooy.

Bournemouth 1 United 1

Antoine Semenyo—the man we’ve voted most likely to join a bigger club and become a supporting star—gave the Cherries a 1-0 lead in the 23rd minute to bolster their hopes of doing a rare double on United.

However, Evanilson slipped into an ugly challenge on Noussair Mazraoui in the 70th minute, earning a red card and inviting waves of Manchester United attacks on the Bournemouth goal. Many of those attacks were fruitless, however, with several long-range attempts proving ill-fated the moment they left the boot.

But in the 96th minute, as if almost by accident, the ball pinged through the box onto the foot of Rasmus Hojlund, who stabbed it into the goal. No sooner had the beleaguered Danish striker realized what he had done that he was racing away in fiery celebration.

Recognizing that it’s merely a point at Bournemouth, give Amorim’s United this: they scarcely show a lack of belief, and their reticence to surrender is what allows them to find results like this one and against Lyon in the Europa League, no matter how ugly. That defiance might be enough to end the season in triumph.

FA Cup Semifinals

Palace 3 Villa 0

After months of emotional Champions League and Champions League-chasing efforts, Villa finally collapsed at the firm hand of Palace on Saturday at Wembley.

Eberechi Eze struck first with a thunderbolt from outside the box to give Palace the lead, and Ismaila Sarr scored a second-half brace to seal a memorable day out for the predictably boisterous Eagles support. It’s the second consecutive match with a goal for Eze, whose increased production has formed a formidable attacking trio with Sarr and Jean-Philippe Mateta.

Villa’s cutting edge went missing on the wrong day, and even an Emiliano Martinez penalty save with the score still 1-0 couldn’t provide the momentum to overturn the deficit. Emery’s side will have to pick up the pieces to mount their final surge towards Europe, while Palace will await their most momentous occasion against City in a month.

Forest 0 City 2

We’re not sure if any neutrals watched this game, which took place concurrently with Liverpool’s clincher. Come to think of it, maybe Forest was busy watching the action at Anfield too?

Rico Lewis put City ahead just two minutes into the game, and Pep’s side never looked likely to relinquish the lead. Josko Gvardiol sealed their progression to the final in the 51st minute, foiling Part Two of our “Anybody but City” campaign.

Forest managed just one shot on target on arguably the club’s biggest occasion in decades, but they still have five matches left to complete their improbable journey into the Champions League.

☝️ Villareal and Espanyol played La Liga’s only game of the weekend, and Villareal reclaimed 5th place with a 1-0 win, ending Espanyol’s five-match unbeaten run. Yeremy Pino was the goalscorer.

Copa Del Rey Final

Barcelona 3 Real Madrid 2

The drama began days before kickoff of the El Clasico Final when reports swirled that Madrid would consider boycotting the game altogether. The club reportedly took issue with official Ricardo de Burgos Bengoetxea’s (say that five times fast) press conference remarks, in which he detailed how the abuses he had suffered for officiating decisions that went against Madrid earlier in the season had produced negative consequences for his family.

To recap: Officiating decisions go against Madrid. Madrid cries. Madrid fans and media cry harder, abusing referee. Referee notes that the abuse took an emotional toll. Madrid cries that this is unfair, allegedly threatens not to play if he officiates.

Never has an institution so successful played the victim card so often and so pathetically.

Anyways, shocker: Madrid played, so to the football we go.

Assisted by Lamine Yamal, Pedri opened the scoring with a firecracker from distance after a laughable display of effort from Jude Bellingham.

Though they may be whiny, Madrid’s talent and resolve are undeniable, so to nobody’s surprise, they came roaring back. Weeks after scoring indirectly from a free kick, Kylian Mbappe finally scored the first direct free kick of his career in the 70th minute to equalize. Aurelian Tchoameni gave Madrid the advantage seven minutes later, heading in from an Arda Guler cross.

But Barcelona have one of the most clutch and unheralded attackers in world football, and Ferran Torres made no mistake on a feed from Lamal, dribbling past Courtois and finding the net to level the tie.

In the 116th minute, Jules Kounde pounced on a sluggish Luka Modric pass (or sluggish Arda Guler retrieval of it) in Barcelona’s attacking third, striding into space and striking from outside the box to give Barca the lead, effectively sealing victory.

Madrid, always classy, humble, and sportsmanlike in defeat, swallowed the bitter result with grace.

Just kidding. Antonio Rudiger launched a water bottle at the referee from the bench to earn a red card before launching into a tirade of maniacal proportions. We often see people held back in sports and think little of it. Just athletes talking a big game in the heat of the moment. But genuinely, we shudder to think what might’ve happened had Rudiger not been held back in this moment.

Lucas Vazquez and Bellingham joined Rudiger in soliciting red cards.

Barcelona have won all three of this season’s Clasicos, and they hold a four-point advantage in La Liga with just five matches remaining. Retaining that lead would see Madrid go trophyless this season, and wouldn’t that just be a shame? They’re such a likable bunch!

The next El Clasico takes place in Barcelona in two weeks. Clearing our calendar now.

Until then, we’ll revel in the scenes of Lamine Yamal completing his transformation into Ryan Gosling’s Ken, complete with bleach-blond hair and multiple pairs of sunglasses.

⚫🔴 Milan cruised past relegation-threatened Venezia, led by Christian Pulisic’s fifth-minute goal. It’s the American’s 50th goal contribution in only two seasons in red and black. Let that sink in.

Santiago Gimenez capped the win with a sorely needed goal in second-half stoppage time to complete the CONCACAF masterclass.

🟣 Fiorentina handled second-bottom Empoli 2-1 with goals from Yacine Adli and Rolandro Mandragora. La Viola are unbeaten in their last nine and sit three points outside of fourth.

🐺 Roma dealt a heavy blow to Inter’s Scudetto hopes, winning 1-0 at the San Siro thanks to a 22nd-minute goal from Matias Soulé. Inter managed just two shots on goal in losing their third straight match.

Sure, Xabi Alonso is the hot candidate, but hey Madrid, may we interest you in the re-retiring Claudio Ranieri? An aging Italian worked out well last time…

⚫⚪ Juventus comfortably beat last-place Monza with first-half goals from Nico Gonzalez and Randal Kolo Muani, weathering a second half played with ten men after Kenan Yildiz’s red card in first-half stoppage time.

🔵⚫ Atalanta drew 1-1 with Lecce with both goals scored from the spot. Mateo Retegui notched his league-leading 24th goal for the third-place side.

🥇 Napoli finally grabbed hold of the Serie A lead after Inter’s multiple invitations, with Scott McTominay recording a brace to down Torino 2-0. McTominay has scored 11 goals in his debut Italian campaign. We haven’t checked the tape, but we’re sure he scored at least 9 on pure desire alone.

Only four games remain, and a Napoli side led by Romelu Lukaku and Scotty-friggen-Mac is in the driver’s seat. Football!

👴 Lazio needed a late brace from Pedro—yes, that one—yes, still playing and thriving—to secure a point against Parma, who benefited from Jacob Ondrejka brace.

🪟 Bologna mounted just one shot on Udinese’s goal in a 0-0 draw that leaves them outside the top four looking in.

👀 Speaking of the top four race, just three points separate Juventus in fourth from Fiorentina in eighth.

🥈 Leverkusen beat Augsburg 2-0 with goals from Patrik Schick and Emiliano Buendia, delaying Bayern’s celebrations for at least one more week.

🥇 Though it wouldn’t be the joyous occasion they’d hoped for, Bayern beat Mainz convincingly, with first-half goals from Leroy Sané and Michael Olise, and a third in the 84th minute from goalscoring sensation Eric Dier.

In incredibly Spursy fashion, Harry Kane is suspended for next week’s match, meaning he won’t be on the pitch in what's shaping up to be the first trophy clincher of his career. You can take the man out of Tottenham, but you can’t take the Tottenham out of the man.

⚫🟡 Dortmund continued their surge up the table despite surrendering a lead in the 90th minute. Waldemar Anton scored a dramatic 95th-minute winner to pull them within only three points of the top four. Just weeks ago, they were in the bottom half. Now, with three matches remaining, they look as capable as anyone of snatching that final Champions League place.

4⃣ Freiburg will stand in their way, winning 1-0 at Wolfsburg with a goal from Max Rosenfelder to claim a tenuous grasp on fourth. That’s right, the current fourth place side in the Bundesliga has a -3 goal differential for the season. Football!

🥉 Frankfurt strengthened their grip on third place with a 4-0 victory in a pivotal matchup with Leipzig. Ansgar Knauff scored a brace for the hosts, with Hugo Ekitike and Robin Koch adding goals.

🛟 Heidenheim’s 1-0 win over Stuttgart propelled them three points clear of automatic relegation in a battle that sees all three of the bottom sides fighting for the opportunity to decide their fate in the playoff.

🔚 Not very nice, Nice. It took 31 matches, but a Ligue 1 side has finally subjected PSG to the bitterness of defeat. A brace from Morgan Sanson propelled Nice to victory, and a 70th-minute Youssouf Ndayishimiye goal sealed the upset. PSG, who peppered the Nice net with 13 shots on target, will not become the first Ligue 1 club to complete a campaign unbeaten.

They will, however, still have a chance at a magnificent treble.

🔵 Strasbourg comfortably dispatched Saint-Etienne with goals from Diego Moreira (trivela alert!), Emanuel Emegha, and Dilane Bakwa. They’re unbeaten in their last 11 matches, last losing in early February.

🔴⚪ Monaco stumbled to a draw against relegation-threatened Le Havre. Mika Biereth scored his 13th Ligue 1 goal in 14 matches.

🔴🔵 Lyon recovered from consecutive disappointments against Manchester United and Saint-Etienne to convincingly beat Rennes 4-0. Emerging star Malick Fofana struck this goal for the hosts.

4⃣ Lille won 2-0 with goals from Alexsandro and Hakon Arnar Haraldsson to stake their temporary claim on fourth place.

🎩 An Amine Gouiri hat trick (including this epic bicycle kick) propelled Marseille to a 4-1 win over Brest.

👀 Only four points separate Marseille in second place from Strasbourg in seventh in what’s shaping up to be an epic battle for European places.

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 Doing their best Tom Emanski impression, Wrexham made it back-to-back-to-back promotions with a 3-0 win over Charlton, advancing from the National League all the way to the Championship. The scenes were dreamlike.

The club is a rumored destination for Jamie Vardy’s talents.

🇳🇱 Ajax drew 1-1 with Sparta in a wild finish, with Sparta going ahead in the 95th minute and Youri Regeer equalizing in the 97th. The point could prove vital, extending Ajax’s lead to seven points over PSV, though PSV have four games left to play.

🇺🇸 Cincinnati beat Sporting Kansas City 2-1 with a brace from record-signing Kevin Denkey. Denkey demonstrated his worth with a sensational bicycle kick.

Vancouver beat Minnesota 3-1 with a brace from Pedro Vite to end the hosts’ months-long unbeaten run and extend their own unbeaten streak to eight games.

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 Celtic clinched the Scottish title with a 5-0 victory over Dundee, led by braces from Nicolas Kuhn and Adam Idah. Please join us in congratulating the Brodge on his fourth title in as many full seasons at the club. The Northern Irishman is Scottish royalty. Brodge likes the sound of that.

🇧🇪 The status quo remained intact in Belgium, where first-place Union SG and second-place Club Brugge drew 0-0 and third-place Genk lost 1-0 to Antwerp.

🇹🇷 Galatasaray retains a five-point lead atop the Turkish table after a 5-1 win over Eyupspor. Alvaro Morata scored a brace for the league leaders.

🇵🇹 Sporting and Benfica held serve against weak opposition, winning 5-0 and 6-0 respectively; they remain level on points atop the table. Viktor Gyokeres scored four goals in the Sporting win, taking his tally to a ridiculous eight goals in the last three games.

🇦🇷 River Plate won the Superclasico at home, beating Boca Juniors 2-1 with an astonishing free kick from 17-year-old wonderkid Franco Mastantuono and a goal from Sebastian Driussi. Boca remain atop Group A.

🇲🇽 Pachuca beat Monterrey 2-1, advancing into the Clausura playoff. Monterrey will play Pumas next Saturday for their last chance to enter the fray. We’re not totally sure Sergio Ramos understands how the format works.

🇧🇷 Flamengo demolished Corinthians 4-0 in the Classico das Multidões with a brace from Pedro. With a Palmeiras loss, Flamengo sits atop the table after six matches.

🇸🇦 Al Hilal, Al Ahli, Al Nassr, and Kawasaki advanced to the semifinals of the AFC Champions League. Riyad Mahrez, Galeno, and Bobby Firmino scored in Al Ahli’s 3-0 win, while Jhon Duran scored a brace and Sadio Mane and Cristiano Ronaldo each scored in Al Nassr’s 4-0 victory.

Crazy to think Mo Salah is operating at his current level, basking in the glow of a Premier League title, while the other prongs of a prolific front-three operate in relative obscurity.

Arsenal vs. PSG (3:00 PM ET TUE)

Both sides suffered domestic disappointment last week, with Arsenal finally ceding the title to Liverpool and PSG seeing their invincible hopes dashed. Can the Emirates summon the same legendary atmosphere that unraveled Madrid for their Parisian guests? A word of advice for PSG: don’t concede any free kicks in striking distance if you want to put a lid on Rice.

Barcelona vs. Inter Milan (3:00 PM ET WED)

Two sides heading in different directions meet in Barcelona on Wednesday, with Barca riding the emotional high of capturing the Copa Del Rey and Inter lamenting the possibility that they’ve bottled the Scudetto in recent weeks. Still, the oft-overlooked Italian side are not to be trifled with, though they may have finally met their ouster in the treble-seeking Spanish giants.

Spurs vs. Bodo/Glimt (3:00 PM ET THU)

Please, someone tell Spurs they don’t have to give Bodo a guard of honor to the final. You can offer resistance, lads!

We wonder if they can conjure any belief after Sunday’s beating. They’ll need to, because Bodo won’t stand on ceremony; they’ve shown no hesitation in punching up in this competition.

Athletic Bilbao vs. Manchester United (3:00 PM ET THU)

We don’t need to worry as much about United conjuring belief, as they’ll carry the stubbornness that delivered a point at Bournemouth into Bilbao on Thursday. There, they’ll meet a fearsome attack led by the Williams brothers but missing star Oihan Sancet. United receive a reprieve from their injury woes, as Amad Diallo, one of the season’s bright spots, prepares to return to the pitch.

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Forest looks to lick its FA Cup wounds on Thursday, with Brentford paying them a visit at 2:30 PM ET. With a win, the Trees would reclaim third place, while a draw would be good enough for fifth.

🇺🇸 On Wednesday night at 8:00 PM ET, Inter Miami hosts the rolling Whitecaps of Vancouver down 2-0 on aggregate in the CONCACAF Champions Cup semifinal. Inter rested its stars, Messi included, over the weekend to preserve freshness for this one.

🇲🇽 Cruz Azul hosts Tigres at 10:00 PM ET on Thursday in the other semifinal, which is tied on aggregate.

🇸🇦 Al Hilal meets Al Ahli in the AFC Champions League semifinal today at 12:30 PM ET, while Al Nassr hosts Kawasaki at 12:30 PM ET on Wednesday.

🤝 Fabrizio Romano reports that Carlo Ancelotti to Brazil is a done deal, with the manager set to take the helm in early June, before the Club World Cup. He’s had success leading Vini, Rodrygo, and Eder Militao to victory before. Now he has to help them do it in yellow.

Your move, Madrid. Don’t overthink it. Just make the obvious choice. We’re talking about Ranieri, of course.

Why? Who were you thinking of?

🤕 Marcus Rashford’s loan spell at Aston Villa appears to be at an end due to a hamstring injury that could keep him out the remainder of the season. The question is whether or not that ends his Villa career. The loan was inarguably a success for both sides, but Villa have stretched themselves on player acquisition in recent years, and Rashford’s fate might be left to their ability to secure Champions League qualification. Unfortunately, his absence hampers that crusade.